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Friday, April 30, 2010

Day 7 Recap

B-Webb Pleases Crowd in Team Connor's Victory

Team Turean Connor 45
Team Kyle Bailey 29

Marques Hudson told me that the first words of today's post should be "B-Webb with the excruciating crossover on Kendall James." While excruciating may not be the best adjective in this instance and while I don't want Marques to be able to dictate what I say, do, or think, I decided that what Webb did was so good that I'd listen to Marques in this instance. Hudson was referring to the move that occurred in the first half of Team Connor's (2-2) victory over Team Bailey (2-2) in which Webb did severe damage to both James ankles and his self-esteem. The silky smooth shift in direction left James on the ground and Webb delivering a no-look pass to Xavier O'neal for a lay-in. The reaction to this by onlookers was reminiscent of the response that Skip to My Lou used to get while playing in the Rucker Park Summer League. This had Commissioner Rodgers and Assistant-Commissioner Maley worried that "The Cross" (What Webb's move is now being called, similar to Jordan's jumper on Bryon Russell being called "The Shot" and Dwight Clark's reception for the 49ers being called "The Catch") might incite a riot. Luckily that was not the case. Webb also delighted the crowd with a no look free throw that he made in response to Kyle Bailey's trash talking later on in the second half. While it was clearly his night, all was not perfect for Webb, as he became the 17th straight player in the KBA to fall short of their pre-game prediction for points (He claimed he'd go for 30 and ended up with 16). While Webb was magnificent in his showmanship, he also received great contributions from his teammates. Xavier O'neal had ten points and 3 mammoth rejections. Christopher Pride made his first appearance of the season and Vanexeled 12 points, 5 assists, and 3 steals. Last but not least, Daniel Palm made it clear to everyone in the league that he would not be denied for his quest to finish the season as the league leader in unnecessary rim grabs (He had one today).

Team Kyle Bailey was without Jeremy McClendon and Antonio Boyle for reasons that have not been disclosed to the league office. Without the pair of guards, Cebron (For those of you new to the blog, that's Chris Crawford) was forced to run point forward. The resemblance to Lebron was remarkable as Cebron did a little bit of everything for his team. He scored (9 points). He rebounded (10 boards). He defended (2 blocks). He dazzled (13 straight no-look passes and 5 straight possessions where he dribbled between his legs at the top of the key for 10 seconds at a time). Even with his Herculian effort, Cebron's team did not have the firepower to compete with Team Connor. If I were coach Kyle Bailey, I'd do three things to right this sinking ship. First, I'd make sure I did my homework on free-agents that will be available next week. Second, I'd either run Boyle and McClendon or have them suspended or fined. Third, I'd pass Coach Maley the ball in 8th period PE next time he is on my team.

The Unselfish Superstar: After the game, Cebron showed just how unselfish and humble he is when he stated, "I'd rather be a role player and win, than be a superstar and lose." If only all great players were such team oriented guys like Cebron. Hopefully fellow superstar Dwayne Wade will follow Cebron's lead and decide to share the spotlight with Derrick Rose next season for the Bulls. Chances are, he won't, as Cebron is a rare breed today as a player who is able to sacrifice his chances of scoring 30 each and every night in order for his team to come up with a W. Unfortunately, there just aren't too many guys like this left.

In completely unrelated and non-contradictory news, Chris Crawford verbally abused his teammates every time they blew his assists. He also stated before the game that he knew his team had no chance of winning, so he was going to score as many points as possible. Making matters even worse, after the game, he was visibly content that he played well even though his team lost. Man, if only he could be more like that Cebron guy.

The Price is Finally Right for Cash

Team Jeff Jones 51
Team Mr. Rhodes 46

I'd never thought I'd see the day when Cash Jones would pass up a good shot in order for a teammate to get a great shot. It happened early in the first half as he passed up an open 13 footer and fed Keith Harris (8 points) streaking down the lane for an easy layup. It was about as rare as a Babe Ruth rookie card and the discovery a new planet put together. All kidding aside, Cash was pretty impressive today, scoring 26 points while shooting a fairly high percentage. He was able to show off his unique ability to finish with either hand along the baseline and even upped his defensive intensity to a grand total of 25% of the opposing teams possessions. Another positive for Team Jones (1-3) was that they proved to be more concerned with arguing with the referees today and forgot about their favorite pastime, arguing with each other. While this was huge, the deciding factor may have been the arrival of point guard Hassan Hall. His defensive intensity and ability to distribute the ball (12 assists) are both attributes that this team lacked in their three losses. If he can continue to do this, Team Jones may not be the worst team in the league after all. The man whose name will not be mentioned (Due to him pulling a fast one on me and playing even though he was supposed to be suspended) added 16 points and 2 "The Man whose name shall not be mentioned" faces.

Team Rhodes caught a tough break when their captain was knocked out of the game with an absolutely disgusting dislocated finger. At the time, Team Rhodes (2-3) was up four with ten minutes left. Having to play the rest of the game with only four players hurt the team about much as the finger probably hurt Rhodes. Even though Squirt Polk had another stellar performance (15 points, 15 rebounds), it was tough to pull a Blackhawks and score short-handed as the game wore on. Cash Jones dagger with 45 seconds to go ended Team Rhodes chances of pulling off a miracle. Josh Kidd finished with 9 points, while Rhodes added 7 in his limited minutes. Early reports from the hospital indicate that Rhodes may be back before the season's end. You have to wonder though if Commissioner Rodgers will allow Rhodes to rush back before he's ready for fear of putting Rhodes status for next fall's student vs. staff game in jeopardy. We all know that Rhodes has the "For the Love of the Game Clause" in his student vs. staff contract, which like Jordan, allows him to play whenever and wherever he wants. Still, with Rodgers controlling the winner of next year's raffle, I have to think Rhodes' fate remains in the hands of the Faculty Team's owner. This is a developing story that we will be sure to keep our eyes on in the upcoming days.

Which hurts More?: Even though Mr. Rhodes finger was practically falling off his hand and there was potential for amputation, he still sent a text from the emergency room asking if his team won. Upon reading via text that his team lost, the doctor witnessed Rhodes writhing in pain screaming and hollering at the top of his lungs "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Mr. Rhodes, Mr. Rhodes, tell us what we can do to ease your discomfort. I know the pain must be unbearable just by looking at it" the Team Doctor said.

"It's not the finger. You mean to tell me that we lost to Team Jones! Team Jones! A team who no one thought would ever win a game! A team that epitomizes dysfunction! A team that argues more than they don't! A team who was destined to go defeated! Honestly Doc, I think I'd rather dislocate each and every one of my fingers, maybe even my toes as well, than be a member of a team who lost to those guys!"

"Ahhhhh yes, you must be referring to the KBA that I have been reading about on the internet. Wow, from what I read about Team Jones, I can't even begin to express my deepest sympathies for your loss and the pain you must be feeling right now."

Another Undefeated Goes Down

Team Denzell Hargrove 52
Team Cartier Brown 47

Because of the amount of complaining done in this game by both Team Hargrove (3-2) and Team Brown (2-1), I refuse to write about what occurred. It is important to note however that it is not a coincidence that the team who whined a little bit less in this one and worried more about their own play, ended up winning the game. That's a lesson to all you youngsters reading at home. The good news about me not writing about the game for Dimitri Baker is that I won't mention how he walked off the court on his team when they went down ten hanging them completely out to dry. I also won't mention how he changed his tune and subbed himself back in when his teammates cut the lead to four without him. And I absolutely will not write about how after he subbed himself back in, Team Hargrove extended the lead back out to ten. Luckily for Dimitri, I will not discuss any of that.

NBA (Both Past and Present) Comparisons: Since I don't have to write about the Hargrove-Brown match-up, this gives me ample time to compare current KBA stars with their NBA equivalent. Note that comparisons can be based on looks, attitude, style of play, skill-level, and marketability. All right, enough introduction, let's start comparing.

Christopher Pride/Nick "The Quick" Van Exel: Both are lefty and like to shoot from long distance. They each have a nice handle and come up with a lot of steals on the defensive end.

Cebron (Chris Crawford)/Dennis Rodman: While I know Cebron wants his NBA equivalent to be Lebron, his game is more like Rodman. Both of these guys are tough, hard-nosed, and physical. Neither one of them is afraid to commit borderline flagrant fouls or curse out a teammate. Most similarly, Rodman and Cebron are able to market themselves to get media attention (Rodman with the hair and overall weirdness, Cebron doing anything and everything that he can to get on the blog)

Pat Glostner/Ron Artest: Both of these guys play an extremely physical brand of basketball. Each has a collection of slow "old man" moves that somehow are able to get it done. Finally, while you hate to play against these two, you love them when they are on your team.

Michael Darty/Chauncey Billups: Both of them will do whatever it takes to help their team win and are not afraid to take the big shot.

Remy Price/Pre-Longoria Tony Parker: They each get up and down the floor quicker than anyone in the league. Both are born winners and leaders of men. Three-point shooting for the pair is suspect at best. Rumor also has it that Price is dating Jessica Alba, leading me to believe that he may have one-upped Parker.

Jeremy McClendon/Spud Webb: Both have the highest verticals in their respective leagues. They both would be considered more of "contest" dunkers than "game" dunkers. The two get serious elevation on their giant-killers.

Chris Mister (Mister Mister)/Michael Redd: Both are lefty three-point specialists with decent mid-range games. Neither one of them likes to defend unless absolutely necessary.

Xavier O'Neal/Patrick O'Bryant: Both of them have the ability to average five block shots a game and both of their names make them sound more like members of the IRA (Irish Republic Army) than basketball players.

Mario Sawyer/Steve Nash: The sole purpose that these guys were put on this planet was to pass the basketball. On top of that, they both can knock down the big shot when need be. Plus, they both have reoccurring back problems that flair up after real bad turnovers.

Squirt Polk/Fat Lever: Both have the most misleading nicknames in their leagues. Just like Polk is neither tiny nor small, Lever is about as skinny and in-shape as a human could possibly be.

Aurelius Leslie/Dejaun Blair: Both of these guys were overlooked in the draft, but have become huge contributors to their team on the offensive glass and in the low-post. Also, their last names sound more like the girls I graduated from grade school with than ball players.

Darius Skyles/Scott Skiles: While these two neither look or play anything alike, change the Y to an I in their last names and S-C-O-T-T to D-A-R-I-U-S in their first names and they are virtually the same person. Also, I'm told that when Skiles was younger he often tried to sneak into all PE classes throughout the day during the basketball unit.

Kenny Williams/Glen Davis: Size, strength, ability to finish around the basket, and how they react when they don't get what they want make these guys eerily similar.

Hassan Hall/Raja Bell: Tenacious defenders who are both able to take superstars in their league (Desean Lee for Hall and Kobe for Bell) completely out of their games.

Courtney Ealy/Nick Young: Both of these guys love to score, hit game-winners, and sport comical mohawks.

Marques Hudson/Ronaldo Balkman: While nothing really stands out with these guys on the surface that would lead you to believe that they could contribute, they both get it done on both sides of the floor. Also, both of these guys struggle from the free throw line due to a disorder from which they suffer called Dreadsblockingvision-itis. I feel like I used the word "both" way to much in that last paragraph.

Cartier Brown/Vince Carter: These guys are high-flyers with unlimited athletic and scoring ability. Every time they step on the floor, there is a possibility of a posterization. Problem is, Brown and Carter have fallen in love with their jump shot and often times don't take advantage of their strengths. If only Vince Carter had access to multiple computers and could vote for himself for league MVP 16 times, these two could be considered twins.


  1. Love this stuff man! Keep it up i will begin following.

    New post on KempoverMJ

  2. his is team going all the way

  3. every body's against us even the commisioner's but we still win...